they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
