just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
