dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
