I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
