I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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