Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize