Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
