dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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