I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
