I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
