He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
