Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I forget how to act sober
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
