just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
only you would photoshop your dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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