He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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