i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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