I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Welp...herpes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
