On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
