I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
