That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
