I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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