Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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