we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
