I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
