Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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