Screwed.edu
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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