I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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