Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My feet surprised me
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