wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
