There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
