how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
