I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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