you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
