My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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