You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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