I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
