She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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