well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
