please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Vodka?
Forever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
