We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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