I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
