I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
