i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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