This is not my ceiling
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
