I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
