Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
