I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
