If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
