mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
