dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
