Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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