Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
