i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
