Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
