Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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