Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
