I'm lost and stupid without you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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