watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize