there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
