a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
