i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
