If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
