Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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