I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
