Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
