BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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