just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
