You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
