U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
