1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
