Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
